What I really meant to say

29th July 2015

Have you ever felt like your thoughts are so scatterbrained that even explaining to yourself how you feel seems impossible? The older I get the more I realize I process things so slowly. Sometimes I feel that I am not good at engaging in conversation because I can’t think quickly enough about what I really want to say.

Then days and weeks go by and I still don’t know what I want to say. jax skyline

I replay conversations in my head wondering if my words made sense and if the Spirit spoke through me. If it were up to me to give advice, encouragement and speak truth—I would fail. Because the truth is, apart from the Spirit, I do not know what to say.

I don’t know how to answer why there is so much death, racism, hate and pain. I don’t know how to process it internally and then articulate what I’m feeling externally.

Even this post is difficult to write. I read it over and over again and scratch my head. Am I being clear? AM I MAKING ANY SENSE?!?

I find a bit of relief though. I can sigh a deep soul breath because I know that the Lord strings my random words and makes a story.  He uses me. He uses you. That’s what I am learning to pray for—use me, speak through me. It might not always make sense but my hope is that someone is nodding their head in agreement. I picture you doing that. I picture us connecting as brothers and sisters and understanding together that on our own we are incomplete.


I had a conversation with a friend this week. Of course I am playing our talk over and over in my head and I think I wanted to say this…

Sweet friend– what I really meant to say is that you are worth far more than rubies. Your heart is of gold and I see Jesus in you. No chemistry test defines you but neither will some guy. You are made whole through Christ who shows you what love is. Without Him it’s all pointless, meaningless. Not one single thing or person on this Earth can fulfill us the way the Lord can. But that doesn’t mean we don’t stick our necks out for the ones we love. It means we love them deeper because we know what true love is. The truth is I pray that when (because it will happen) the Spirit speaks directly to your heart that you’ll listen. I truly believe you will know because He will tell you. {That’s what I really meant to say.}

To all of us over-analyzers and doubters of our words– I am praying that we would truly be quick to listen and slow to speak and be more than okay with that. I am praying we feel a little lighter today knowing that the pressure to say the “right” thing exists because we put it on ourselves.

Father, speak through us all. Let our words drip from our mouths with the flavor of love. May we not be quick to wipe it off but let it linger there just a little longer. Saving it for later.

2 thoughts on “What I really meant to say

  1. Taylor Tampa

    I LOVE this! I definitely feel like I struggle with the same thing. I tend to speak quickly and realize too late that what I said wasn’t out of love or wasn’t truth or just wasn’t what I meant at all. Thank you for the post 🙂 I’ll be adapting this into my own prayer life for sure.

    1. Shaina Post author

      I think it’s a universal struggle. I am hoping this will help me to give others grace when they don’t say what they mean right away. Thanks for reading and sharing friend!!


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